|
| Fathers: 1st Impressions of God - by Ron L. Deal, M.MFT. |
 |
First impressions are important to all of us. For example, we often make quick judgements as to our like or dislike of someone based on their dress, hairstyle, or number of nose rings. And first impressions die hard. Many of our current opinions about others are leftover first impressions.
Children’s first impressions of the world come from the home. They learn about relationships, values, and virtues from their family, especially their parents. For example, they know about love by what we do before and after we say we love them; they understand forgiveness when we treat them as innocent after the offense. But the impact doesn’t stop there.
These early first impressions also have great spiritual significance, because home life plays a huge role in shaping a child’s ideas about God. A father carries extra influence and responsibility in this area. If dad is distant and unavailable, his children will have difficulty sensing God’s presence and trusting His Spirit in their lives. If he repeatedly explodes in anger when mistakes occur, guess whom they will run from after giving in to sin. If he pampers and indulges them, God becomes difficult to respect and honor because the children are too busy loving themselves.
Consider Martin Luther’s statement, “I have difficulty praying the Lord’s Prayer because whenever I say ‘Our Father,’ I think of my own father, who was hard, unyielding, and relentless. I cannot help but think of God that way.” In the same way that God created man in His own image, our behavior in the family “creates” for our children an impression of God in our image. We are earthly symbols of our heavenly Father.
Every night at bedtime, I say the same thing of my sons: “I love you. And God loves you.” I want them to hear that before they go to sleep. One night it dawned on me that their first impression of God will come from my repeating, “God loves you.” They hear their mother and me talk about their heavenly Father—an abstract, intangible concept at best. How will they concretely understand Him except by looking first at me, a tangible, touchable person?
What a sobering thought—and what an opportunity! I must be a faithful first impression of a more significant Father.
I don’t want to oversimplify the spiritual development of children; yet there is a lasting impact to the impressions we leave. We’ll never match the depth of God’s love and mercy, but we can give our children a sample taste of whom God is—a taste that arouses their thirst for Him.
Here are a few practical suggestions:
1. Reinforce your child’s value by affirming his or her person more than performance. In so doing, you open the door to God’s grace rather than a legalistic religion based on perfection. For example, when greeting your kids after school, don’t start by saying, “How did you do today?” Rather, affirm them with something like, “I’m so glad to see you” before asking about the science test. Then, if the test score is low, affirm their worth once again before working on performance issues (like study habits).
2. Give good gifts whenever possible. Our heavenly Father gives us good gifts (Mt. 7:11), so we should respond to our children’s requests with openness. While setting appropriate limits, say “yes” whenever possible, not just when it’s convenient. Recently my two-year-old wanted to play in the Tupperware drawer while I cooked breakfast. His play interfered with my movement around the kitchen, so I told him to play elsewhere. I imposed my inconvenience upon him—I should have let him stay.
3. Be slow to anger and control your temper. It happens many Saturdays and Sundays all year long. A father is consumed with “the big game”, only to have his attention-seeking child jump in front of the TV. A quick scolding and a harsh look confirm to the child that today he’s not important. Look beyond yourself to the needs of your child. God isn’t so wrapped up in Himself that He can’t understand the need behind our misbehavior.
4. Finally, spend time in prayer and meditation with your Lord so that you will know Him well enough to live Him for your children. You can’t reflect God’s nature if you don’t know Him well.
It is sobering to realize that we are God’s ambassadors—of His message and His image. We have the opportunity to model a heavenly Father who is thrilled by the presence of His children and who longs to be with them. It was “very good” when God created Adam and Eve. It is just as awesome when we dads, by “creating God in our own image,” introduce our children to the Father they will never regret meeting.
Ron L. Deal is Family Life Minister for the Southwest Church of Christ and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with the Better Life Counseling Center, Inc. in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Ron is the author of a forthcoming book for stepfamilies from Bethany House (www.swfamily.org/stepfamily).
|
|
| |
designed and powered by JabezNetworks.com
| |
